Happy anniversary to the time I ordered a burrito from taco bell and instead they gave me like 100$ worth of THC vape cartridges.

THE YEAR IS 2021 and I am on my way home from a VERY long day at my new job as a school photographer. Its 5:30, I have driven an hour and a half just to get home and all I want is a beefy five layer burrito and to go to bed early.

I go through the drive through at the taco bell. This is the same taco bell that, three years prior, asked us how many sauces we wanted. My roommate responded with "we'd like to get lost in the sauce."

To which he said "lost in the sauce. Ok boss!"

And gave us an entire brown bag full of sauce packets that we are still working through to this day.

So our conclusion is that this store is operated by stoners, which is on par for a taco bell.

But anyhow, 2021, all I want is a burrito.

Pull up in the drive thru, order burrito. Compliment the cashier's nails, take the bag without checking, drive off.

I get home. I carry the bag all the way to the kitchen and set it down. The sound it makes is not the sound of a beefy five layer burrito. It rattles.

I realize now that something is wrong.

I look inside.

I find this:

Which I realize now in 2022 after hanging out with potheads that this is considerably more than 100$ of THC products but that's unimportant. I sit there for a few moments and just kind of stare at them asking myself

WHY does this KEEP HAPPENING to me?

Girlfriend comes in and sees this.

"Did someone pay you in smokeables again?"

"No, this is the new beefy 5 layer burrito from taco bell. Obviously."

I could keep them, but what would I DO with them? I didnt know any smokers at the time that I could sell them to. You cant really... pawn THC products in my state because it's a consumable and uhhhh... possession of such products is probably illegal? Fucking I dont know, if there's a law about it everyone seems to be ignoring it.

And I cannot stress this enough: I dont smoke! And yet people keep handing me these things for some reason.

But more importantly: it is now 6:00, I am starving, and I did not get my burrito. So i make a decision and i grab the bag of vape carts and I go back to get the food I ordered.

I go inside and stand at the counter. I quietly tell the cashier that I ordered a beefy five layer burrito, and I got this instead. I lift the bag. I gently drop the bag. It makes the very non beefy burrito rattle sound.

The cashier knows by sound what is in the bag. Her eyes go wide.

"I'm not mad," I tell her. "I dont want anyone in trouble. I'm just very hungry and would like the food I ordered."

She very quietly takes the bag beneath the counter and produces six coupons for a free taco. "We'll get your order to you in a moment, thank you for your patience."

I am... containing my urge to burst out in laughter because this urban legend stuff. This is 'tumblr will call this fake' material. This is 'that happened to my friends cousin' kind of story material and I'm just... waiting for my burrito.

The manager on duty approaches me and says:

"I understand you received something uhh.. other than your order." She thinks I'm gonna tell corporate. This shit is too funny for corporate. I am not telling corporate.

"I dont want anyone in trouble," I repeated. "I'd just like to make sure it gets back to its owner and make sure I get the burrito I ordered."

"Right. Right. Right away."

She gives me six more free taco coupons.

It is deathly quiet back there and I am trying so hard not to laugh at the absurdity of all of this. Like... how did I get here? What happened back there to lead me to this awkward situation? What farcical theater piece am I now a minor character in? Will I exit left persued by a bear?

The cashier returns with a bag. "Once again, I'm REALLY sorry."

I take the bag. I check it this time.

This is indeed a burrito.

"No need, all is well."

I leave with my burrito, twelve free taco coupons, and the sense that I just created chaos for an hour.

Well, looks like this one is gonna escape containment.

the blog killing axolotl is one of my favorite things that has ever happened on this website because talking about it afterwards sounds like an inside joke or perhaps a prank. like always be on the lookout for the blog killing axolotl. he can kill your blog. it happened to me once trust me.

there’s this very specific image of an axolotl plushie with the phrase ‘i am at my limit’ that i’m not posting for obvious reasons (even though i’m inoculated because i tried to post it before) that if you try to post it tumblr will immediately delete your blog. like completely. your blog is just gone if you try to post the image. you can get it reinstated but you have to go to staff and be like ‘hi my blog was killed by a picture of an axolotl can you please give me it back.’ we found this out completely accidentally when brianna brucespringsteendotcom made the image and then posted it and then her blog was just gone, at which point we started to experiment. anyway, a while later we found that if someone submits the image and you don’t know what it is and you try to post it it will also nuke your blog. this obviously all sounds like an incredibly stupid internet hoax so when you try to warn people about the blog killing axolotl you just sound like you’re trolling but i promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that we are not.

people in the tags are like ‘i don’t know if this is true but it sounds wild’ i feel like the old man you meet in the first five minutes of a horror movie that tells the teenagers on spring break not to visit the creepy old house at the end of the road

(via @freevibedotcom)

there's a post where someone said "can you respect trans women who look like men" and someone responded something like "hell yeah I love people who fuck with gender!" and like... yeah that's cool, but in a lot of spaces "trans woman who looks like a man" is a lot less likely to be someone who is intentionally comfortably presenting masculine, and a lot more likely to be a girl who hasn't started transition, or can't safely, or just didn't or couldn't put in the effort to pass as fem today, and a lot of them will just look like schlubby dudes and not a radically presenting queer person. and you should be able to respect that.

can you respect a trans girl who is balding/has a masculinized hairline and cant do anything about it, who applied overly severe makeup poorly becuase this is her first time femme presenting in public, and her girl clothes obviously dont fit right because she ordered them online and hasnt had a lot of opportunity to find out what looks good with her body type yet.

if the answer is no, then shut the fuck up.

sent an email without exclamation points #mean #meanie #meancore #evilgirl #hurtingyou #indifferent #gayandrude

john kramer only lets billy watch youtube kids

I wish this necklace was the real deal.

wh

…

Phoenix, it’s me. Believe in yourself.

reading about tracking kestrel populations rn and

THE PRINGLES???

Good work everyone

adding reverb to your songs in post is as harmful and misleading as adding filters to your photos. if you want reverb play in a cave

shut up about steely dan...

🖕🖕🖕

Y’all making women in their thirties feel old is my villain origin story actually

ARE YOU AN ELF?!

Questionable math but thirty IS young.

Looking at my microscope and saying "fascinating. you should really see this" and when you go to look down the eye piece the microbes on the slide I'm examining are creating a perfect copy of bad apple